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Courtesy ABC/Disney

Cruz’n the Borderland: Have you heard the one…

And now, because nobody asked for it….here’s a list of some of the best punchlines to jokes! 

And his friend said, “yeah, and its DEEP, too!”

“help me find my keys and we can DRIVE out!”

“because one is in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal”

and the wife said, “oh, no….did Bob Johnson die?”

“ok, death it is….by UMMFOOGOO!!”

“is that all you do, bird imitations??”

“…nope, im a frayed knot!”

“see, you DID sleep with a penguin!”

Wrecked him??  Damn near KILLED HIM!

Now, where do I hang the blinds?

…..and the drunk said, “Over here on the swing!”

you know,  you’re kinda a mean drunk, Superman.

and the old man asked, “Well, what kinda soup ya got?”

and his girlfriend said, “Tight, huh?”

6, but you have to slice them REAL thin.

…and the voice from the other side of the fence started chanting, “Sixteen, sixteen, sixteen…”

orange you glad I didn’t say BANANA..?

oh no….shes full!

last time I saw my friend, he was heading toward the watermelon patch!

well St. Peter, there I was…naked,  hiding in a refrigerator.

and Chuckles the Clown said, “Why are you crying…I’M the one who has to walk back alone.”

“And by the way,” the blonde added, “it’s not a Porshe , it’s a Ferrari.”

Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, he is…. now what?”

And the shoeshine boy says, “To your house!”

Finally the bear says, “I don’t think you come here to hunt, do ya?”

And Bob says, “It’s swollen.”

And the wife wakes up and says “Bubba, is that you?”

The man replies, “Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger.”

Because they called back.

And the golfer said,  “I found it.”

and the husband said, “well, it sure worked on your behind!”

and the Mexican hitch hiker sticks his head out the window and says, ‘si, no.   si, no  si, no”

And the duck said, “Got any grapes?”

I can breath, you can breath, but chicken breath!!

What happened to the pickle slicer……? Oh  she got fired, too.

And the little boy said,  “we’re having puppies!”

you ask me if I know Pancho Villa….??  Senor, we had lunch together!

Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent!

Alright, now where’s that chick with the  impacted  tooth??

And the parrot said, “the plumber, he’s here to fix the sink.”

The doctor says, “Not only that, but your hearing is bad, too.”

And the rooster pointed to the two vultures and whispered, “shhhhhhhhhhh”

And the other brother said, “you can bet your ass it aint gonna be Cherrios!”

“That’s okay”, replied the priest. “I got him with the door!”

The wife said, “thanks, but where’s his wheelchair….he can’t walk”

And the farmer says, “meh, you can keep the duck.”

Abe sighs and whispers, “You’re pitching on Friday.”

The man pulls off his oxygen mask and says “Thanks for that and now can you tell me if my tests results are back?”

Aand the wife said, “well, at least you have perfect eyesight.”

Juan sips his beer and says, “Bicycles.”

The guy replies,  “We did, so  today I’m taking them to the movies!”

And the old fisher man says, “if its pointing up, we don’t go fishin’”

And Pinnochio said, “with sandpaper, who needs girls?”

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, “Ha ha, I’m the bus driver!”

The Invisible Man rolls off her and says, “I have no idea but it hurt like hell!”

And his friend comes back and says, “hey, youre right. Your wife IS better’

And Larry says, “well, ya aint gonna like Thurs nite much.”

And the inventor says, ‘oh, turn the apple around…”

About Victor Cruz

Victor Cruz was born in El Paso in the early 70s. Graduated from Burges High School and went to EPCC, where he got his first real taste of radio. He has bounced up and down the dial locally and continues to call El Paso home where family is. FULL BIO

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