Li’l Deadpool Diary Adventure Parody
This Universe isn’t Big enough for my Ego and your Pants Size
So, if you don’t remember me meeting the Silver Surfer just recently, that’s ok. Cause I barely remember it as well. Turns out he was actually telling me things that were pretty important. Like the fact that his boss, the giant size chia pet here, was coming and was going to eat the world.
This oddly not obese glutton is Galactus and he apparently is here to devour our little home planet. Charming fella isn’t he? I was hoping he started with Tokyo. I hear they have a giant lizard that could slow this big guy down.
Not to mention their economy bounces back extremely well from giant monster attacks. We don’t want another economic domino effect like Greece do we?
Think of the big picture here people.
Unfortunately, he splash landed in the borderland. That’s right El Paso and Las Cruces, he’s the one who finishes the last taco. Never fear my southwest compadres, the quasi-spanish speaking campeón de impresionante está aquí! Did you read that in a mexicano soccer announcer voice? You better. Makes the words pop! If not, get back to me. Still working on rolling my Rs.
I did what any good hero wouldn’t have done. I challenged him to a contest so strenuous, so horrifyingly painful, that only the truly skilled can pull it off. A contest of pure flexibility! I convinced him to touch his toes. If he does I walk away and he gets the borderland. Remember people, bulk is no excuse for bad flexibility. Little does he know if he wins and he eats this place, he’ll be paying for it for days to come. You know what they say, hot and spicy goes in, hotter and spicier comes out. Trust me; I’ve spent a day or two on the porcelain throne recovering after a good platter of rellenos.
Poor guy just couldn’t do it. Fell right on that giant awkward helmet of his. Selfie from the helicopter dog! Lucky for you all, I bought the time the Avengers needed to get here.
Movie announcer voice, ready?
And so goes the hero who can downward face dog his way out of certain death. He requires no thanks, but will gladly take the enchiladas you place on your doorsteps tonight. Lend him your tortas amigos. He may be from the other side of the north border but inside his veins flow with green chili salsa. Unfortunately, His butt is still very white, blindingly so, and it will need time to heal after those enchiladas.
Seriously, leave me some enchiladas, I’m starving people.
-James Romansky is a graduate from NMSU and has written many Lil’ Deadpool Diary Adventure Parodies for Zia Comics in Las Cruces New Mexico. He is the photographer and editor of the photos that correspond with each story of the series as well. A Native New Mexican, James predominantly writes short fiction loosely based off his experiences in the southwest.